i can't stand you playing with my mind.
I'm the control freak, the one who wants to know the answer
tempting i dismay the results
i don't know right from wrong
hot from cold,
it is all confusion.

what have i chosen?
do i ever speak..or is it only silence
muffled conversations
brief moments of nothingness

i want to know more about myself
but i cant dig hard enough
i fear what i don't know
why i think
i ponder,
there little ideas of sanctity
more of my sanity,
why i live upon these waves of surrender.
i don't image, i dream
what little control do i have
so i wish for
what i want,

an empty head.


i feel dead.
like a little kid looking in the store window.
stuck against the glass.
searching for happiness in a bottle
on the shelf,
tightly wrapped,
and only sold
in exchange for my soul.